My dad requested I wrote a story about a guy names Lemon Crayon. So I did. And I just HAD to share it...
Lemon Crayon
My full name is Lemon Crayon Joe Bob Thompson…
My parents met 34 years ago. My mom was an aspiring artist. My dad was not.
He wanted to be a professional carpet cleaner. They were going to the same college.
I know what you’re thinking, a carpet cleaner
in college? Well, yes. Anyways, my
mom was in art class drawing and what not and my dad needed a staple gun from the
art department when mom dropped her lemon colored crayon. Dad picked it up and
handed to her. Blah, blah, blah.
Two years later, I was born. My parents wanted a name that was unique. They
went through names such as: Yosemite, Chewbacca, Duck Man, Sardine etc. And then
my mom said to dad with a gleam in her eye, “Let’s name him Lemon Crayon!”
My dad loved the name and when I was born, mom told all the nurses that my
name was to be Lemon Crayon. They didn’t believe her. Who would? It was weird!
When I was in middle and high school and decided to have my friends come
over (they simply called me “L.C.” or “Thompson”) mom and dad would go on AND ON
about how wonderful my name was and scolded my friends for not calling me Lemon
Crayon.
Bullies would put me on their resume. Kids went as me for Halloween. Having a
weird name was known as “having a Lemon Crayon name”.It was not fun to be me.
When I was applying to go to college, I was usually turned down because no one
believes you when you say your name is Lemon Crayon. When I did get into college I
ended up in an art school. On the first day of class I was praised for changing my name
to an art medium. I said that I didn’t really care about art but my parents wanted me in
college and I just happened to be named after a crayon. I got kicked out of the school.
Finally a REAL college accepted me and I learned how to manage a business. I
joined a company that makes fancy granola. I remember my first meeting a.k.a. one of
the most humiliating days of my life.
“Okay guys!” My boss told us. “This is a huge meeting. If it goes well our granola
could be advertised by none other than Abigail Douglas!” She was a spokes person who
was highly sought after in the world of breakfast and snack food. “Don’t blow it! If you
do…Just don’t, okay?”
We all sat around the long conference table. I heard Ms. Douglas’ voice on the
other side of the line. I was in charge of marketing, so I was supposed to do the talking.
“Ms. Douglas, I’m the head of the marketing department for Yummy Granola,
have you read over the contract?”
“Yes Mr. - what’s your name?” She had to be kidding. If I said my real name then
the whole deal would be over and done for.
“Mr. Thompson.” I said
“I don’t call people Mr. It’s so old fashioned.” What?! Didn’t she know that my
name humiliated me?
“Lemon Crayon,” I mumbled.
“What?”
“Lemon Crayon,” I mumbled again.
“Speak up! Do you want to have me represent Yummy Granola or what?”
“LEMON CRAYON!!!” I screamed.
“Is this a joke?” She asked angrily.
“No! You can call me L.C….”
I heard a click on the line. She hung up. Everyone in the room looked at me. No
one said anything. And then my boss, Mr. Charles, said something so quietly I could
barely hear.
“I will give you a five second head start.”
I tried to figure out what he meant. I knew when he jumped out of his chair and
ran after me. I was glad Mr. Charles didn’t work out. I could out run him. But when I
reached a dead end he caught me. “Lemon Crayon, you ARE FIRED!!!”
The next day I met a girl at the unemployment office. Her name was Fish Pie. We
got along great and eventually got married and had two kids named Yoda and Scooby-
Doo. They got bullied all the time and we all lived miserably ever after.
THE END
Tell me what you think!
